I've been doing some research about aliens parasitizing people for an upcoming presentation at Kevin Geeks Out About... Aliens! this coming Friday, May 21. (Buy your ticket now. Kevin tends to sell out.) Of course, this is my favorite kind of research because I get to watch science fiction movies, and I LOVE science fiction!
After watching eight movies, I realize that I have too much material for a six minute lecture, so I thought I'd start up my parasite-themed explorations here with The Hidden, which isn't making it into my presentation.
These parasitic aliens come in two forms: slug-like organism, or golden vapor. In either case, the parasite enters the host through the mouth and is somehow able to control their body completely. The subjective experience of the host is not known, as no one has lived through an infestation to relate their experience.
How is a five pound(1) tendrilly, slimy slug, entering a hosts body supposed to posses and control someone while sitting in their digestive tract(2)? For that matter, I'm not sure I understand how a golden, sparkly, vapor would be able to control the mind and body of a person, either.
This man's burnt skin doesn't gross me out as much as
the alien coming out of his mouth...
.... and going into his!
Kyle MacLachlan gives Michael Nouri the vapors.
SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS
Signs and symptoms of slug infestation include:
- Physical activity in spite of life-threatening disease or injury
- Anti-social behavioral changes including robbery, physical violence, and murder
- An appreciation of relatively obscure 80's punk music
Practice safe oral hygiene! Don't let alien parasites embarrass
you with poseur rock and a boom box!
Signs and symptoms of vapor infestation include:
- Low tolerance for alcohol
- A fetching innocence regarding the proper administration of Alka-Seltzer.
Drop it in the water, silly.
Unfortunately, treatment inevitably kills the host and parasite. The only known therapy for this particular parasitic infection is to kill the human host with a flame-thrower (see photos A and B). This will cause spontaneous migration of the slug from the host body (photo C). One can then terminate the parasitic alien via a space-age weapon that will vaporize the creature, but is ineffective on human tissue (photo D).
Photo A: apply flame thrower
Photo B: death of host is eminent
Photo C: slug leaves host via the mouth
Photo D: slug is vaporized
In this particular case, prevention is the best treatment.
1. Approximate weight.
2. Has anyone noticed that aliens parasitizing humans (Alien, The Hidden, etc.) are never excreted anally?