KEVIN GEEKS OUT - Mutants #1

THE CINEMATOLOGIST LIVE

A couple weeks ago I presented a lecture on mutations in the variety show Kevin Geeks Out. The theme of the evening was Visions Of The Future! My contribution was to describe the future mutations of human kind that will eventually and inevitably happen, as predicted by many futuristic movies.

Happily, the show was sold out, so some local readers (sadly) didn't get a chance to see the show. I thought I'd post a version of my lecture here. Check out the link to KGO, below. There were some really great guests! I was lucky to be among such esteemed company. Plus, they served Dippin' Dots!

Kevin Geeks Out

Here's the first installment of my presentation. You'll notice that there are some style changes from the usual blog entries. There is much less text and many more pictures. It turns out that blogging and public speaking require different writing styles.

THE INEVITABLE OVERTHROW OF THE HUMAN POPULATION,

DUE TO NOTABLE AND SIGNIFICANT INCREASES IN

ABERRANT CHROROMOSOMAL PROLIFERATION OF MULTIPLE ETIOLOGIES(1)

In our examination of The Future, it is important to consider what will happen to the human species on a molecular level as we navigate an undending seires of collisions between meddling scientists and naturally occuring events.

The future is soon! As a matter of fact, according to some film sources, actions that will shape the future are happening right now!

I Am Legend, 2012

Daybreakers, 2019

Total Recall, 2084

Chemical wastes, various forms of radiation, and viruses are just a few of the mutagens acton on our genes. At any moment we should expect to hear about a variety of mutant groups and sub-groups emerging into our public awareness.

Future mutation may be the result of genetic engineering, as with Rachel from Blade Runner...

Rachel from Blade Runner

... or chaotic accident, perhaps instigated by a genetically engineered measles virus run amok on human populations(2).

I Am Legend is about genetically

engineered measles viruses in the future.

Therefore, our discussion of the future will examine the inevitable mutation of human beings into monstrous future super-species. So let's get down to the mutation breakdown.

A mutant organism is the result of a genetic mutation. What is a mutation? The alteration of genes, chromosomes, or DNA (more on that later).

Some mutations of the future will be bad for you but won't cause an external variation in appearance. An example would be a genetic blood disorder like hemophilia. Alexei Nicholaevich, son of Tsar Nicholas II was a hemophiliac. He is pictured here in a still from the movie Nicholas and Alexandra.

Hemophilia in the movies.

Some mutations will cause altered external appearance and will be bad for you too. An example here is a series of mutations caused by viral vampirism in Daybreakers.

Drink your human blood. Don't let this happen to you!

In the present and the future, some mutations or variations in DNA may influence the risk of developing the risk of developing certain disorders like Alzheimer's disease.

Away From Her

Some mutations won't help or harm you physically, like a generalized hypertrichosis a.k.a. Wolfman disease. Here is Robert Downey Jr. acting hypertrichosis for the camera.

Note the exuberant hair growth.

Some genetic mutations change appearance and give your super-human skills. Here we see Hank McCoy's altered appearance as a result of mutation.

Exuberant hair + superhuman strength + blue pigment

What is the difference between chromosomes, genes, and DNA? Stay tuned(3) for the next installment of my lecture from Kevin Geeks Out: Visions Of The Future!

1. Yes, this really was my title.

2. We are so coming back to I Am Legend in a couple of weeks. There's a gold mine of mutation information here!

3. I just dated myself, didn't I?

DAYBREAKERS

SHOOT 'EM UP

I saw Daybreakers the other night with my cartoonist husband. We both had a better time than we thought we would. I had such a good time in fact, that I can recommend this movie as very entertaining. I have to admit that I was the only one in the theater laughing at the projectile vomiting, but everyone joined in when the guy's head exploded.

Why would I laugh at projectile vomit? I'll tell you.

Edward Dalton (Ethan Hawke) is a vampire hematologist hard-pressed to create a blood substitute for the world's vampire population, which is practically everybody. There are very few humans left and their blood is harvested to feed the starving masses (of vampires). Time is running out. Dalton's mission is humanitarian on two counts: he is trying to save the lives of the last human beings, and he's trying to prevent vampirekind from mutating into horror movie style vampires, which is the fate of any vampire who doesn't get human blood.

This starving vampire has degenerated into a more

monstrous form. Notice the elongated phalanges (finger bones).

In a scene early on in the movie, our hero has decided to push forward with his vampire subject trials, in his search for a synthetic "human" blood substitute that will save vampire populations from starvation. Dalton's non-beating heart is in the right place, but he really should have had an IRB(1) read his study proposal before he carried it out.

Dalton plans his clinical trial.

Dalton is in the lab with his study subject. They are about to see if the vampire subject's body accepts this new blood substitute. So what does Dalton do with this blood substitute? He injects it into this vampire. (Record skip noise goes here.) Yup! That's right. Dalton is testing a food product by injecting it intravenously. That's like putting someone on an IV drip that full of chocolate milkshake, or pureed cheeseburger. We have one seriously flawed study. There is no external validity here because most vampires are going to want to drink this blood. Who wants to shoot up their food? Sam Neill's character, Charles Bromely, will back me up on this.

Chis (Vince Colosimo) and Edward reflect on whether or not soaking

fabric in cold water will get rid of vomit stains.

CHEW ON THIS

Needless to say, the whole clinical subject scene sent me into a fit of giggles(2). How would I test a synthetic food product for nutrition and safety? I'd feed it to someone. Food, be it liquid or solid is chemically altered by digestive enzymes the moment you put it in your mouth. Your saliva has enzymes in it that start breaking down carbs before you can even say "Pass the ketchup" with your mouth full.

From your mouth, the food makes its way through the long tube that is your esophagus, stomach, small intestine, large intestine (aka the colon), then passes out your anus. You may have noticed that the food you put in your mouth looks nothing like its former self when coming out the other end, one hopes.

Vampire digestive organs.

Although the stomach absorbs some molecules from your food and drink, most absorption of nutrients happens in the small intestines. Molecules absorbed from the stomach go directly into the bloodstream, molecules absorbed in the intestines go the the liver for processing before they get into the rest of the bloodstream.

If a vampire is feeding on blood, that blood is going to have to be digested (broken down into little bits) and absorbed as something smaller than blood cells(3) to get through the lining of the gut and be of any use to the vampire, nutritionally.

Flawed study. Entertaining film!

1. Internal Review Boards check medical studies for ethics violations, legal issues, and flaws in design.

2. I was sitting next to a couple who were obviously really into vampires. They seemed a little put out because I wasn't taking this movie seriously.

3. Blood carries a lot of stuff in it other than blood cells and platelets. There are all sorts of proteins (I'm thinking of albumins specifically, for you trivia buffs), glucose, hormones, carbon dioxide, cholesterol, etc. Some of which might get absorbed directly, but not the bigger stuff.